9 Signs I’ve Met The OneJuly 1, 2009 at 7:07 PM | Posted in Bill is my husband. | 2 Comments
eHarmony Advice tweeted a link to an article called 9 Signs You’ve Met The One. I read through the article and decided to use it to publicly examine, point by point, my relationship with Bill. Keep in mind that I am speaking in the first person because the only one whose feelings I can truly account for is myself.
1) I’m Not Chasing the Relationship’s Potential
In the beginning I would say that, yes, we had a relationship fraught with obstacles. In many ways we still do — we both have jobs that can be stressful, one of us has an ex that is hard to deal with, we have vastly different styles of parenting (not to mention that the child is not ours, so to speak), and I’m sure each of us has habits that the other finds distasteful. But I realized that these are issues that aren’t going away — if anything, we’re likely to gain more obstacles over time — and the difference would be to change my perspective. To paraphrase Reinhold Neibuhr, I sought/seek to accept the things that I can’t change. Life is challenging and hoping for a relationship that’s not is foolish.
2) Who I Am Is Good Enough
Bill loves me for who I am. I have never felt that to be so true with anyone else. He is proud of me. He thinks I am smart, sexy, and fun to be with. He tells me those things all the time. I love Bill for who he is. I am proud of him. I am attracted to his mind, his body, his sense of humor. I hope I adequately express those feelings to him.
3) We Manage Conflict Well
We fight. It’s true. But our arguments don’t involve insults or violence or destruction. And more times than not they lead to discussions that ultimately mitigate future conflicts about the same issues. We made it a point to seek out and learn tools that would help us gain a deeper understanding of one another with each conflict that we resolve together. We are not masters at this, but we try. Hard. And I look forward to being part of an even stronger couple as time goes on because of that effort.
4) The Mundane Is Suddenly Interesting
The minutiae of Bill’s life doesn’t capture my attention all the time — okay, hardly ever — but the small details of our life can come alive. I adore his sense of humor and, although I give him a hard time about being ridiculous sometimes, I am so glad to have him around to lighten the mood. His reported conversations with the dog are hilarious plus, as KT says, he does the best Goocher and Charlie voices.
5) There’s Minimal Drama
I fight fair — my parents did not fight fair and I’ve always made it a point to avoid being hurtful like that to someone else. I might not always admit when I’m wrong, listen to Bill, or acknowledge his good points, but I try to as much as possible; every time I miss one of those opportunities and I find out about it, that’s one more chance for me to be more self-aware for the next time. I apologize when I cross the line. I can be full of high emotions, sure, but I am careful not to use them to consciously manipulate Bill or cause turbulence for the sake of drama. He exhibits all of these behaviors for me — some better than I do — and certainly deserves my best effort in return.
6) My Friends and Family See What I See
I definitely fell in love with and married someone who the people in my life want me to be with. My friends and family all enjoy Bill’s company and think he is a great partner to/for me.
7) I Know How To Make Him Happy
I know what Bill wants and needs. I know that I know because he tells me that I know. I also know that I know because when I say, “Here’s a [movie, meal, book, website, article, shirt, etc.] that you’ll like,” I am usually on the mark. I also know that I know because I try hard to understand those things, I work at it, and I strive to meet those wants and needs. I don’t know what Bill wants and needs because of some we-were-just-meant-to-be-together, mind-reading magic, I know because I seek to know and he is mature enough to share with me.
8) We Have The Same Life Priorities
Our priorities in life, our core values, match up well. I look into to the future and imagine growing old with a partner who is honest, emotionally balanced, financially responsible, supportive, open-minded, and kind-hearted, and I see Bill with me. He is that partner.
9) I Respect Him Deeply
I respect Bill. I think he is a good man. More than love him, I like him. He has chosen a path in life that shows what good character he has. Even when I am annoyed (or infuriated) at some decision he has made, and I am questioning why on Earth he thought it was a good idea, I never have to question his motives because I know that they originate in the desire to do right by others.
I have met the one for me. Lucky for me he’s also the guy I married.